Edmund Smith
“Twenty-nine years later, there has been no turning back! Today, I continue in full-time ministry along with my wife, and we travel all over Malaysia”
Born into an unhappy religious family in Malaysia, I grew up feeling that I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. In fact, from the time I was four years old, I remember experiencing confusion about my sex. Until I was about seven, I lived and dressed as a girl, but because attending school as a girl was not an option in my country, I was compelled to dress more androgynously from ages seven to 21. I had rejected myself because my father seemed clearly disappointed that I was born a boy (his fourth son), not his long-awaited daughter. It was no secret that my father preferred girls to boys, and when my sister Helga (dad’s precious jewel) was later born, he showered her (and even my female cousins) with the affection that I craved.
Growing up, I was thrilled whenever any boys gave me the slightest attention especially when they wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, and I believed this fueled my same-sex attraction. Because I didn’t know the difference between love and sex, I started having sex with men at the young age of 13. That’s also the time in which I began to explore the idea of undergoing surgical interventions to look like a woman. After reading that anyone over 21 is eligible in Thailand, I began to dream, plan, and save money for surgery.
Even though I was struggling with my identity, I still somehow knew that my calling in this life was to help society’s marginalized. It made sense; I myself was a marginalized individual living in a mainstream world. At 13, I volunteered as a community worker with the Catholic nuns running adult literacy projects for the illiterate adults in the Immigrant Settlement in my hometown in Malaysia. Then, in 1988, when I was about 18 years old, the Salvation Army employed me as a community worker, working closely with people who were mentally challenged. Years later, that placement hugely impacted my life, as it was the place where I was first guided into a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
Around the time that I began working at the Salvation Army, I also fell in love for the very first time. He was a handsome bisexual man who actually guided me out of my “trans woman” identity. He showed me, slowly but surely, that I did not need to be a woman for him to love me. By the time I was 21 years old, I had moved from identifying as a “trans woman” to a homosexual man, during which time I ended up living a stereotypically wild, gay lifestyle. After breaking up with him, I experienced uncountable one-night stands (with all kinds of men, young and old) and two other long-term relationships. I also performed sex for money, was raped, and participated in orgies, all in my desperate pursuit of Mister Right. Because I experienced such pain and uncertainty, I eventually walked away from gay culture in 1994, weary from living a meaningless life. I was 24 years old.
At the end of 1994, as I turned away from gay identity, God used two special women to help bring healing into my painful past: Jenny, a Salvation Army worker, who eventually became a pastor, and my now-wife Amanda, who is also a pastor today serving alongside me in ministry. God used Amanda and Jenny powerfully to hold my hand, love me, and pray with me. The transition from being gay to no longer identifying as gay, was truly tough. And I couldn’t have done it without them. As my life took a turn, however, I became extremely excited about discovering Jesus, serving Him, living my life for Him, and making the world around me a better place in which to live. Twenty-nine years later, there has been no turning back! Today, I continue in full-time ministry along with my wife, and we travel all over Malaysia—and even to other countries—teaching and ministering in churches about spirituality and sexual redemption. We are the proud parents of two wonderful children, Angelica and Ethan. Becoming a parent was once only a dream for me, but today this beautiful dream is a reality thanks to the Almighty God!
Real Love Ministry
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