Daniel Mingo
“My faith gave me courage to confront the wounds of my past. As I have embraced and loved myself as a man, a husband, and father, same-sex feelings have dwindled.”
The second of seven children, I never developed a good relationship with my father. He was into sports, and I was drawn to creative, artistic, and musical outlets. Though I tried, my athletic abilities fell short, and my peers made sure to capitalize on my weaknesses. I was ridiculed by both the neighborhood kids and my own father for not fitting in with my peers. Once I began to attend public school, fitting in was even more challenging. Finding it hard to connect with other boys because of my interest in the arts, I found that most of my friends were girls.
One day at age 13, I was molested by a stranger on my way home from school. For years the secret festered in my heart, and to cope with the memory, I played the blame game, pointing at myself, God, and even my own dad because he was absent that day. As if on cue, some friends in my neighborhood then introduced me to pornography. Both the sexual abuse as an adolescent and the exposure to pornography as a teenager birthed unwanted feelings of same-sex attractions (SSA) as I entered adulthood.
When I met Jesus at age 17, I expected my life issues and painful past to be resolved, but nothing changed. So, I reluctantly and secretly acted on my SSA, while constantly seeking a way out. I never considered myself to be gay, so when I married and had children I hoped to be finally released from my secret bondage. Sadly, I was unfaithful to my wife and absent from my family as my desires compelled me, and my untold secrets slowly crushed me. Though I didn’t realize it as it was happening, I had become addicted to anonymous sexual encounters with men. I tried unsuccessfully numerous times to stop but could never seem to gain any traction with long-term results. I developed a ritual of acting out on business trips, and part of that ritual was crying out to God for forgiveness, begging Him after each episode to take these attractions away. Finally, God spoke to me, saying, “I cannot take away from you what I did not give you. You must surrender it to me.” In that moment, I realized trying to quit something is not the same as surrendering it to Him. With that revelation, the Lord showed me I needed recovery from the addiction I’d given myself to for nearly 30 years. After much prayer, I confessed to my wife, telling her all about my childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and adultery. Met with love and understanding, I was empowered to go into recovery for sexual addiction. As I brought my hidden sin into the light, what was once a heavy burden was replaced with peace. Slowly but surely, our marriage was repaired through consistent honesty, ongoing confession, and trust.
We’ve remained together for 40 years, raising three sons. What’s more, this year marks 30 years since I’ve had any sexual contact with anyone but my wife.
I believe my faith gave me courage to confront the wounds of my past. Over time, I built relationships with men that redeemed the distorted ways I understood myself and brought healing to the traumas of molestation and perceived childhood abandonment. As I have embraced and loved myself as a man, a husband, and father, same-sex feelings have dwindled. I feel fulfilled and whole, and my former sexual desires no longer dominate my life. In 2003 I began ministering to Christians desiring freedom from unwanted attractions, and that ministry continues today.
Abba's Delight, Inc.
abbasdelight.com